What Are We Really Trying Not to Feel?

A Gentle Conversation About Emotional Well-Being, Comfort and Healing

Before I begin, I want to make something very clear: this is not a judgment of anyone’s choices.

I am not here to tell anyone what they should or should not do. I am not a stranger to trauma, coping mechanisms or the need to find relief when life becomes painful. I am a trauma survivor myself, having experienced several forms of abuse and trauma throughout my life.

I understand that sometimes we do whatever we can to make it through the day.

Our ways of coping are not evidence that we are weak or broken. Often, they developed because they helped us carry something we did not yet have the safety, support or tools to process.

I also recognize that medications and other substances may have a necessary or purposeful place in someone’s life. They may be used for pain management, mental-health care, sleep, supervised therapeutic work or cultural and ceremonial practices.

That is not the focus of this conversation.

I am speaking gently and honestly about the times when we may begin using a substance or behaviour mainly to disconnect from feelings we do not yet know how to hold.

I am not speaking from above anyone. I am speaking from beside you—and from within my own ongoing healing journey.

Learning to Listen to Ourselves

Emotional well-being does not mean being happy all the time. Emotional intelligence does not mean having perfect control over everything we feel.

For me, it means becoming curious about my emotions instead of immediately running from them.

It means asking:

What am I feeling?

Where might this feeling be coming from?

What does this part of me need?

Sometimes anger may be protecting grief. Sometimes avoidance may be protecting fear. Sometimes our need to be fiercely independent may come from a time when depending on others did not feel safe.

The healing journey invites us to notice these things without shaming ourselves for them.

Healing can ask a great deal of us. It may invite us to move at our own pace, be patient with ourselves and meet difficult emotions with honesty and compassion. Every person’s journey is different, and simply choosing to begin—or begin again—is an act of courage.

Facing our past and trauma can sometimes feel frightening, tiring, confusing or lonely. That is why I do not believe we were meant to do all of it by ourselves.

There are compassionate counsellors, coaches, healers, mentors, support groups and trusted people willing to walk beside us. Finding the right support may take time, and one type of support may not be right for everyone. But having someone safe who listens without judgment can make an enormous difference.

The Many Ways We Find Comfort

People find comfort in many different ways.

For one person, it might be cannabis or alcohol. For another, it might be food, television, shopping, sex, gaming, work, social media or scrolling for hours.

None of these things automatically indicates addiction, trauma or avoidance. Something that is unhelpful for one person may have a very different and purposeful place in another person’s life.

Perhaps the most compassionate question is not, “Is this good or bad?”

Perhaps it is:

What role is this playing in my life right now?

Does it help me rest and return to myself?

Does it give me a little breathing room during a difficult time?

Or am I beginning to depend on it because being present with myself feels too painful?

There may not be an immediate or simple answer. The purpose of asking is not to criticize ourselves. It is simply to notice.

Comfort is a human need. We all deserve moments of relief.

At the same time, I have learned in my own life that there can be a subtle difference between comfort that restores me and comfort that helps me disappear. One is not always easy to distinguish from the other, especially while we are in survival mode.

I Have Used Numbing Too

I can have this conversation because I have lived it.

I have used food, television and shopping to comfort and numb myself, particularly during some of the most painful periods of my life.

I reached for these things after losing my dad, while moving through the pain of a breakup and when circumstances at home became extremely difficult.

After giving birth, I was also coping with postpartum challenges while trying to find my way as a new mother without the foundational support I needed. There were so many emotions, responsibilities and changes happening at once. At times, I did not have the capacity—or the sense of safety—to process all of it.

Food gave me comfort.

Television allowed me to step out of my own life and into someone else’s story for a little while.

Shopping, especially for craft supplies, gave me a spark of excitement and possibility. It gave me something to anticipate and helped me feel a little more in control.

I was an emotional shopper. I can own that now without condemning the woman I was.

She was not failing. She was trying to cope.

Those things offered moments of relief when I needed relief. I can honour what they did for me while also recognizing that they could not reach the deeper places within me that needed care.

There is a difference between something helping us through a moment and something helping us heal. Sometimes we need both, and learning the difference can take time.

What Helped Me Go Deeper

My deeper healing began when I found approaches that helped me explore what was beneath my coping patterns.

Trance healing, life coaching, Reiki, shamanic journeying and other healing experiences supported me in different ways. They helped me connect with parts of myself I had ignored, hidden or protected.

They did not make my life perfect, and they did not erase everything that happened to me. Healing rarely works that way.

They helped me become more honest and compassionate with myself.

Even now, as my life moves through another transition, I sometimes notice familiar patterns returning. I may feel the temptation to distract myself rather than sit with uncertainty.

The difference is that I am more aware now.

Instead of immediately criticizing myself, I can pause and ask, “What is happening inside me? What might I need right now?”

Sometimes I still need comfort. Sometimes I need rest. Sometimes I need to talk, cry, create, pray, move my body or ask for support.

Awareness does not mean I always make the perfect choice. It means I have an opportunity to make a more conscious one.

I am still a work in progress. I think most of us are.

The Body, Mind and Spirit

Trauma can touch every part of us.

It may affect our bodies, thoughts, emotions, nervous systems, relationships and sense of spiritual connection. Sometimes our bodies continue carrying an experience long after our minds have tried to move forward.

This is why I feel healing needs to make room for the whole person.

When I regularly disconnect from what I am feeling, it can become more difficult for me to hear what my body and emotions are trying to communicate. That does not make me wrong or broken. It may simply mean that something within me is asking to be noticed with care.

I am learning to replace the question, “Why am I doing this to myself?” with something gentler:

“What is this helping me carry?”

That small change in language creates space for compassion. It allows me to appreciate why a coping mechanism developed before deciding whether it still supports the life I am trying to create.

A Spiritual Perspective on the Auric Field

Within many spiritual and energetic traditions, the auric field is understood as a subtle field of energy surrounding and interacting with the physical body.

Some spiritual practitioners believe intoxication can temporarily affect this field, changing a person’s energetic boundaries or making them more sensitive to emotions, impressions and unfamiliar experiences.

Some people interpret experiences during altered states as encounters with energies or entities. Others understand them as thoughts, memories or trauma rising from the subconscious, heightened suggestibility or changes in perception associated with the substance.

These are different ways of interpreting deeply personal experiences. Beliefs about auras and entities belong to spiritual traditions and have not been established as medical facts.

I believe there is room to talk about these experiences without insisting that everyone understand them in the same way.

For me, the most helpful questions are gentle and grounding:

How does this experience leave me feeling?

Do I feel present and connected to myself?

Do I feel peaceful, unsettled, scattered or afraid?

Am I approaching the experience with clear intention and appropriate support?

What care might my body, mind or spirit need afterward?

This is not about creating fear around substances or altered states. It is about approaching them with awareness and respect for how differently they can affect each person.

If an experience leaves someone persistently frightened, paranoid, hearing or seeing things, or feeling watched or controlled, medical or mental-health support may be important. Seeking help does not require anyone to abandon their spirituality. Caring for our health and safety can be part of spiritual care.

Awakening Can Feel Uncomfortable

Many people feel that humanity is moving through a period of rapid spiritual awakening.

Awakening is often described as beautiful and peaceful, but it can also bring uncertainty, grief and disillusionment. We may begin questioning our relationships, institutions and beliefs we once accepted without hesitation.

Many spiritually sensitive people also feel connected to collective energetic changes they associate with the Schumann resonance. Although a direct connection between the Schumann resonance and spiritual or emotional symptoms has not been scientifically established, it remains a meaningful framework within many spiritual communities.

Whatever language we use, many of us seem to be re-examining our lives.

We may be noticing division, corruption and the ways fear can keep people separated. We may be becoming more aware of patterns within our families, communities and relationships.

That awareness can feel overwhelming. Sometimes we may want to turn away from it, and that is understandable.

Awakening does not have to mean processing everything at once. We can move gently. We can remain grounded. We can question what no longer feels true while staying connected to our bodies, responsibilities and the people who care about us.

We can allow awakening to unfold rather than forcing it.

Healing Within Relationships

Our past experiences can influence how we connect with others.

Sometimes we may pull away from people who care because being truly seen feels unfamiliar or unsafe. Sometimes we may build walls because we need protection. At other times, walking away really is the healthiest and safest choice.

Only we can explore that distinction for ourselves, and sometimes we may need support to see it clearly.

People are also exploring many identities, orientations and relationship structures. I do not believe an identity or consensual relationship choice should automatically be attributed to trauma.

I do believe that all of us, regardless of how we identify or love, can benefit from gently exploring whether our choices feel authentic and aligned with who we are.

The purpose of that reflection is not to judge the answer. It is to understand ourselves more deeply and create relationships rooted in honesty, consent, respect and emotional safety.

Support Instead of Shame

Shame rarely helps people heal.

Many coping mechanisms began because they served a purpose. They offered relief, comfort, protection or escape when something felt unbearable.

We can appreciate what a coping mechanism once did for us while gently asking whether it continues to support us today.

We need spaces where people can speak honestly without being labelled or reduced to their choices. We need trauma-informed care, emotional education, spiritual support and compassionate communities.

We need people willing to sit beside us without rushing our healing.

Progress is not perfection. Sometimes progress is simply the pause between feeling pain and automatically reaching for whatever once helped us avoid it.

In that pause, we may discover another possibility.

We can breathe.

We can rest.

We can reach out.

We can offer ourselves the kindness we so freely offer other people.

We can ask what the wounded part of us needs without demanding that it heal immediately.

An Invitation to Listen Within

If any part of my story feels familiar, I hope you know there is no shame in how you learned to survive.

The food, television, shopping, substances or other forms of comfort may have helped you carry experiences that once felt too heavy to hold alone. We can acknowledge what those coping mechanisms gave us without criticizing the person we were when we needed them.

We can also become gently curious about what we need now.

Perhaps healing begins with a quiet pause and a willingness to ask:

What am I feeling?

What have I been carrying?

What kind of support would help me feel safe enough to explore it?

There is no single path that is right for everyone. Healing may include professional care, spiritual practices, creative expression, supportive relationships, time in nature or simply learning to treat ourselves with greater patience.

What matters is finding support that respects the whole of who we are—our bodies, minds, emotions, experiences and spiritual beliefs.

You do not have to uncover every wound at once. You do not have to have all the answers, and you do not have to complete this journey perfectly.

You are allowed to move slowly.

You are allowed to rest.

You are allowed to ask for help.

You are allowed to begin again as many times as you need.

Maybe the first step is not changing everything. Maybe it is simply listening to yourself with honesty and compassion—and trusting that even the smallest moment of awareness can become part of your healing.

If You Would Like Support Along the Way

My own experiences have shaped the way I support others. Through life coaching, trance healing, Reiki, shamanic journeying and other intuitive healing practices, I offer a compassionate space where you can slow down, reconnect with yourself and gently explore what may be asking for your attention.

This work is not about judging your coping strategies, rushing your healing or telling you who you should become. It is about meeting you where you are and supporting you as you listen more deeply to your own needs, inner wisdom and personal truth.

If something in this article resonates with you and you feel drawn to explore your journey with support, I welcome you to learn more about my services or connect with me for a conversation.

You do not have to have everything figured out before reaching out. You only need to arrive as you are.

This article shares personal experience and spiritual reflection. It is not medical or mental-health advice and is not intended to diagnose or treat trauma, substance use or any other condition. My services are complementary spiritual and personal-development practices, not substitutes for medical care, psychotherapy, substance-use treatment or other licensed professional support. Please seek assistance from a qualified healthcare or trauma-informed professional when needed.

Support and Resources

If this article brings up difficult emotions, you do not have to work through them alone. The following Canadian resources may help you find compassionate, qualified support:

• Immediate crisis support: If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, or you are concerned about someone you care about, call 988 or text 988. Canada’s 9-8-8 Suicide Crisis Helpline is available nationwide, 24 hours a day, in English and French. You can also visit 988.ca.
• Mental-health support: The Government of Canada provides information about crisis assistance, provincial and territorial services, grief resources and other supports through its Mental Health Support portal.
• Substance-use support: Health Canada’s Get Help with Substance Use page provides confidential services, referrals and support options across Canada.
• Pregnancy and postpartum support: The Public Health Agency of Canada offers information about emotional well-being, warning signs and finding support through its Mental Health During and After Pregnancy resource.

If you are in immediate danger or require urgent medical assistance, contact your local emergency services. Readers outside Canada should use the crisis, mental-health and substance-use resources available in their own country or region.

Reaching out is not a failure or a sign that you are not strong enough. Sometimes it is simply the next caring step.